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Saturday, April 05, 2014 - Updated: 4:09 AM

Early Birds

It is probably unnecessary to throw a rose in the direction of Canajoharie (since they have a bush of their own up there) but other communities, including our own, may take a lesson in civic progress from a Beech-Nut town. Next Monday they are opening bids for the construction of an incinerator. The estimated cost will run about $45,000 and it is believed that there will be lively bidding as more than 20 sets of plans have been issued to contractors.

Prompt action on the part of the village officials is responsible for the early success of the project. The application was filed during August, at a time when other communities were trying to make up their municipal minds whether they wanted to accept a present or not. The federal O.K. was received in March and plans for the proposed village improvement were pushed along rapidly from that time. As might have been expected, the early birds got the worms.


This "early bird" business suggests another idea. How many of you Main Streeters have entered the Want-Ad Proverb Contest being sponsored by this newspaper? Everybody is eligible in either of the two groups and it is a splendid opportunity to pick up some spare change or theater passes. There is still time to enter, as the contest does not close until April 14 and the decision of the judges ... will not be announced until a week later. Simply get your Recorders from Monday on and turn to the classified page, there the cartoon will be found. If you have been reading this column regularly, you should know a lot of proverbs. Using other people's ideas is a proverbial weakness of us paragraphers.


Come on, some one of you Main Streeters. Do your good deed for one day if you can. The veterans' welfare committee has found a home where a widow and five children are in dire need. They are cooking on a parlor stove and, needless to say, it is tough going. Somewhere in this city there must be a kitchen stove not in use. If you have one, call the veterans' office at the City Hall -- 3200 -- tomorrow morning or from 2 to 5:30 tomorrow afternoon. Incidentally, if you happen to have children's clothing or shoes (for infants and youngsters up to 5 years) not in use, you might tell the veterans' committee about it through the same channels. They know where these can be put to good use.


It is a long time since we have heard from Sir Jeems de Quinlan, Grand Duke of Whizzbangia. In fact it is so long that I assumed he had already gone to his Summer estate at Galway. Not so, however. There stated in yesterday the tale of an Easter egg. One that had been trapped in his pocket. They wanted me to run the yarn, but I couldn't feel that hardboiled to run such a rag egg ... I mean raw gag.

And now comes another about the same extinguished personage. It takes considerable courage to run it, because it concerns a bald spot and candor compels me to admit that I, too, am rapidly heading toward that stage of decrepitude wherein the hair finds the comb more attractive than the scalp. Jim also knows whereof I speak. Numerous friends have called it to his attention, gently patting the bald spot when they referred to it. They tell me that it is possible to get accustomed to this form of razzing, and the scalp does not protest too vigorously these gentle caresses.

Be that as it may, the fact remains that a friend of Jim's did the dome-tapping act the other day and he gave no heed to it. Just a part of the day's routine, he felt the pat-pat and forgot all about it. Not until he arrived home in the evening and sat down at the table was something called to his attention. The missus, passing back of his chair, stopped suddenly and looked hard. Then she asked the question:

"Who put that ... on the top of your head?"

This was originally published April 5, 1934.


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