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Guys can't see past her disability

Saturday, December 08, 2012 - Updated: 6:31 PM

DEAR ABBY: I am a 41-year-old female working on my associate's degree in paralegal studies. Most people I know tell me I'm attractive, and I do get some second looks from men, but there is one thing I think -- although I'm not sure -- that scares them away. I am disabled.

I dress well, am an average weight for my height, independent-minded, although not quite independent physically. I get around on crutches.

I live with my parents. I enjoy and participate in physical activities. I don't have a lot of friends, which is fine with me, but I do have a number of special ones. I try to make the best of my disability, and everyone I know, even strangers, tell me I do well and admire me for my courage and strength.

I should be happy with that, but sometimes it bothers me that I haven't found one man who can see past whatever it is that keeps them from liking me. I know a number of grumpy, unhappy, ungrateful women who abuse the men in their lives, and sometimes I can't help but wonder at how "blind" their partners are.

I am not desperate. I like my alone time. But it's a big, beautiful world out there, and I'd like to share it with someone. -- AT A LOSS IN OHIO

DEAR AT A LOSS: You need to widen your circle of acquaintances. Once you have completed your studies and have more time, make it your business to join local and state groups associated with your profession. While some people may be put off by your disability, not everyone will be. Many people with physical disabilities have romantic lives and good marriages to partners who see past their disabilities and recognize all of the things they CAN do.

P.S. I know I have said this before, but you should also consider volunteering some of your time to a cause that interests you because it's a great way to meet people.

DEAR ABBY: Last night I received a call from my almost-5-year-old granddaughter asking me for Santa Claus' phone number. It seems she is very angry at her daddy for calling her a brat because she wouldn't give him a hug. She wants to tattle on her daddy to Santa.

Her parents are not together. Her daddy's involvement has been only within the last year. She seemed very upset about the incident, and I want to make sure "Santa" gives her a good answer. I asked her to write a letter instead of phoning Santa to give me time for an answer. Did I do the right thing? -- GRANDMA T., PACIFIC GROVE, CALIF.

DEAR GRAMDMA T.: Yes. Once your granddaughter has written the letter to Santa you may find that she no longer dwells on what happened. However, if she continues to look for a reply, "Santa's" response should be that her daddy was hurt when she refused to give him a hug because daddies need love just as little girls do. But name-calling is wrong, no matter how old you are, and he shouldn't have called her a brat -- which is why he'll be getting a lump of coal in his stocking at Christmas.

DEAR ABBY: Our son and daughter-in-law live out of state. They have a 1-year-old daughter. For their anniversary, we sent them a gift certificate saying that we would pay for a night out on the town, including a hotel of their choice in the city where they live. We offered to watch our granddaughter and their dogs while they enjoyed themselves.

Their response was a resounding NO. They said that it was the most selfish gift we had ever given them because it wasn't for them; it was so we could baby-sit. What do you think? -- GRANDMA GAYLE

DEAR GRANDMA GAYLE: I think their manners are atrocious. How sharper than a serpent's tooth it is to have a thankless child.

     

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