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Insecurities haunt man's trysts

Wednesday, June 25, 2014 - Updated: 7:21 AM

DEAR ABBY: I met a guy four months ago. Our relationship is new and pretty casual for the most part. We like each other's company and spend nights together, but when we're intimate, he keeps his clothes on -- boxers and all. He is only 26, but he has told me about past relationships, so I know he has had experience.

Over the past two years he has lost almost 100 pounds. He looks great now -- healthy and toned. I have seen him get in and out of the shower. (I noticed a little excess skin on his stomach, but not much.) It's really weird. I don't feel comfortable taking my own clothes off when he doesn't.

This isn't exactly a deal breaker for me, as I obviously am attracted to him. I just would like him to be comfortable with me. Should I address this with him, and if so, how? Or should I just leave it be for now? -- AWKWARD SITUATION IN GEORGIA

DEAR AWKWARD: It's apparent that he still has body issues having to do with his extreme weight loss. If you know him well enough to spend nights at his house, you should be able to communicate with him about sex on a mature level and tell him the experience would be more satisfying for you if there was less between you when you are in his arms.

DEAR ABBY: My fiancee and I work full time. We are trying to save for our wedding and a deposit for a house. The trouble is, after paying rent, bills and day-to-day expenses, we are left with next to nothing.

I played poker when I was in college, which generated a nice income during my late teens and early 20s. A few months back, I decided to pick it up again and found a group of people who like to play. Since then, I have been playing four hours two or three nights a week, and it has generated an extra monthly income of $1,000 to $1,500. Our finances have improved a lot.

There are nights my fiancee wants me to stay home. She says if I had a part-time job, she would understand why I couldn't stay home on the days she asked. But to me, poker IS a part-time job, and it pays more than anything else I could find in this area. I play the same set schedule every week, so she should know what nights I need to go in to "work." What do you say? -- ALL-IN IN VIRGINIA

DEAR ALL-IN: You appear to be a skillful card player or a very lucky one. Assuming that the games in which you are participating are legal, I see nothing wrong with what you're doing. Because your fiancee feels lonely when you're not with her, suggest that she do something with friends or take up a hobby. After all, you're doing this for the both of you, aren't you? And this "part-time job" isn't going to be forever.

Dear Abby is written by ABIGAIL VAN BUREN, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $7 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Shipping and handling are included in the price.)

     

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