To the editor:
From what I have heard the new traffic patterns in Amsterdam are to go into effect by the end of June. There were six or seven traffic accidents at the corner of Route 30 south and Route 5 the other night. Two cop cars were there continually to observe traffic. One had his bubble gum machine lights on for the duration of their observation. Tow truck operators were having a field day.
The west lane heading north on Route 30 from the intersection of East Main Street to Routs 5 will become southbound. That is the lane where parking used to exist for business at the post office. The traffic for the Fourth of July holiday should be backed up to the Thruway and beyond (possibly Pennsylvania) from East Main Street after exiting the mighty Mohawk River bridge. Jockeying for position at the exit of the Mohawk River bridge to Route 30 north will give new meaning to the word "clustermuck." Especially if they are towing a, RV or boat. All post office business will now be accessed from the parking lot between the Amsterdam library and the post office. (Those handicapped people walking through the parking lot or in wheelchairs: no special walkways or protective bollards for them.) New post office boxes for drivers will be stationed on Federal Street. The parking area between the library and the post office is reminiscent of the surface of the moon. They have recently rough patched some of the craters. The auto repair businesses in Amsterdam have been given a godsend in new business for the last few years under the "management" of public works manager Ray Hal-gasser and Mayor Ann Thane (feel free to take a jaunt down Clizbe Avenue, just above Al's garage, for a ride that beats the Coney Island Cyclone.). If a percentage of the cost of new ball joints, shock absorbers, and front end alignments was returned to the city treasury, the city of Amsterdam would be flush for years to come. The post office employees are particularly amused by the conundrum that is being created by "engineers" for the redirection of traffic in the downtown Amsterdam area. Too bad the money for the future "Bridge to Nowhere" across the river wasn't used for paving and filling hugemungus and largenormas potholes years ago. Proof that politicians are nitwits.
Furthermore, traffic will be able to meet head-on along the Route 5 corridor from near the telephone company building all the way to the ALC (American Lithuanian Club). These traffic patterns have been in effect since the 1960s. GAVAC and the Amsterdam fire and police departments should be kept quite busy (not to mention city towing services) with extricating people from head-on crashes. Maybe there will be mutual aid from the surrounding fire departments once things really get going. And JAVAC and Mohawk Ambulance should make above and beyond their quota as well.
All in all it will make the Fonda Fair demolition derby look quite tame.
Somewhere down the line the "engineers" might set up Jersey barriers where fatalities are highest.
The situation will probably correct itself once President Obama and New York state Gov. Andy intervene and eliminate all driver's licenses after the enactment of their proposed legislation to be called SAFE Act II. All with Mayor Thane's signing off and blessing of course. Hopefully she will be required to have the air in her head changed along with the implementation of SAFE Act II. It will be a Fourth of July parade of windbags and airbags at the end of this month. So buckle up, citizens.
You have heard it here, and you have been forewarned.
John H. Newell Jr.,